8 Tips for Financial Self Discipline as a Kinkster

Basics Jan 30, 2021

On the opposite end of financial independence lies the debt trap, impulsive spending, and poor financial discipline. How do kinksters avoid this fate? "Spending less" is an obvious goal, but what steps can you take to further yourself along that path?

The biggest step is avoiding the debt trap, or breaking out of the debt cycle if you're in one. However for most people, this number one priority is easier said than done. Prevalent credit cards, "Buy Now, Pay Later" plans, and other loans are a constant struggle in temptation for some.

What is the debt trap?

In short, the debt trap is when people have such tight finances that they keep needing to rely on debt to make ends meet/fuel consumption, which makes it even harder to meet future financial demands.

The longer answer: debt makes it so that someone with minimal assets can easily purchase something expensive – a car, a house, a new computer, and so on. However, debt stretches out the total cost of something to be more than the listing price. Interest is the price you pay for the convenience of having money up front.

For instance, take a 15% per annum interest rate loan for $1000 and you're paying going to pay an extra ~8% in interest for every year of the loan's term. So only $80 if you pay it off in a year, but $160 dollars for two years and $240 dollars if it takes you three years.

This might sound amenable to you, if $80 sounds cheap spread out over a year. Especially when it affords you the privilege of freeing up cash flow for other purchases.

Yet that is the core issue: thinking in terms of cash flow, and living paycheck to paycheck. Debt is not usually just a one-off occasion. Financing purchases will add up until the interest payments are significant. Your monthly paychecks get squeezed until all your money goes towards paying off your debts. You start drowning in debt.

After this point it can be nigh impossible to wrest control of the situation back. Debt and interest payments take up a significant amount of your pay. If you don't pull out of the nose dive and end the cycle, the burden of debt will grow faster and faster until default.

A shocking majority of workers live paycheck to paycheck, and it's a risky lifestyle. Without liquid emergency funds, you're at risk of being financially broken on any moderate upsets that life throws at you. It's the opposite of gaining freedom and financial independence.

Tips for better self-discipline

The number one priority is to break out of and avoid the debt trap. Almost every financial planning flow chart starts with tackling debt. To do so you need to get a grip on the emotions involved in spending.

1) Find pleasure in saving

For most people, spending brings happiness – after all, you get new things, from new toys to new experiences. Yet unrestrained spending leads to a dark debt hole from whence there is no joy.

It's better to choose pursuits that enrich you. Saving, investing, and paying down debts are all fulfilling accomplishments that do so.

If you're already able to feel the long term reward of saving, then you're better off than the average kinkster. If not, you're going to want to train yourself to take pride and joy in saving.

It's difficult to reward yourself for saving, because milestones to mark your successes are few. There's only the steady grind of money being stashed away.

However, you can get creative with finding happiness in saving. You can share your successes every month with your close friends (or share it anonymously) for positive reinforcement.

You can set up a bonus system, where at different arbitrary amounts saved you give yourself a "bonus" of discretionary money to use. For example, if you save $25k then you give yourself $1k for spending, then again at $50k saved.

It also doesn't need to be anything complicated or flashy. You can simply get yourself a nice cup of coffee to drink as you go through your monthly finance report.

2) Delayed gratification

"There is no fulfillment that is not made sweeter for the prolonging of desire."
Mastering delayed gratification allows you to appreciate what you gain when you finally get it, rather than taking for granted what comes easily.

To get a handle on the need for instant gratification, it's easier to start with small steps. For instance, whenever you find yourself about to make a purchase you can wait a day before completing it. Or better still, wait three days.

Doing so allows you to reflect on the potential purchase and decide whether it's worthwhile. If you decide to not buy it after all, then you've managed to quash an impulsive purchase.

3) Don't tease and deny yourself

It is better to avoid temptation in the first place than it is to deny yourself your desires. If you know you have a habit of lusting after the latest cool tech gadgets, then perhaps you need to stop following their releases. Or if you steadily trickle money away purchasing video games, you should step away from browsing sale listings until you've gained more discipline.

It is far easier to resist temptation if you keep yourself in the dark about what all is out there. Ignorance is bliss, as such.

4) Discover your triggers and boundaries

Amongst kinksters there's all sorts of hubbub about boundaries. It should come as no surprise that you can apply boundaries to personal finances. You should first discover how much spending is appropriate for you, as well as how little.

Then you work on identifying triggers to better control yourself, just as you learn to use a person's triggers to guide a scene through heights to resolution.

Do you have a trigger to spend money as long as you see there's cash in an account? Or do you buy an expensive drink every time you catch up with a friend at the coffee shop?

The sooner you identify triggers, the sooner you can decide which ones need to be curtailed. For instance, you might have automatic investments withdraw from your account as soon as your paycheck comes in to prevent cash from stacking up in your account and tempting you. Likewise, you may decide to start meeting friends somewhere else, or buy cheaper drinks.

5) Take advantage of mirroring

Mirroring and imitation are a side effect of being around people. It's not just imitating physical gestures, too, but imitating lifestyle choices. If you're aware of the effect, you can resist it or take advantage of it.

One of the most powerful ways to take advantage of it is to surround yourself with financially responsible people, and to engage with them about finances. It's a beneficial form of peer pressure, as they inspire you to be more frugal and efficient with your own life.

Opposite that is what happens if you surround yourself with glitzy big spenders and lifestyle inflated people. If you're disciplined you can recognise their fallacies and avoid their mistakes, but there's always that insistent nudge that says "this is normal" when you contemplate imitating their behaviour.

6) Hold yourself accountable to other people

External motivation can be the spur you need to accomplish something great. You may tell your friends about a goal, or you may tell a Dominant what you intend to achieve.

A good Dominant (either a friend or one you have a dynamic with) will likely assist you by giving you reminders, asking you how it's going, and celebrating the victories when you have them. Likewise a submissive may serve the same purpose, if they're inclined to care for you.

7) Track your spending

You should be tracking your cash flow, since it speaks volumes about what's going on financially. There's some pragmatic tips on doing so:

  1. Use debit or credit cards instead of cash, and check transactions online frequently
  2. You could also carry a notebook to write down transactions
  3. Set aside regular time to review your purchases. Weekly or monthly depending on your rate of spending
  4. Consider keeping a spending journal that includes your emotions at the time.

The goal is not just to write down what you've done. The goal is to give you time to reflect on your past actions, so that you can better choose future actions. For instance, you may spend in a flurry whenever you get paid, then taper off as the accounts dry up. Or you may notice that days when you're sad you bolster your mood with some purchases that make you happy.

8) It's a process of becoming

Ultimately, financial self-discipline is a process of becoming. It's an endless goal, where you keep finding areas to improve.

Don't beat yourself up for not "having it made" yet, and don't let yourself get complacent thinking you've achieved the pinnacle of discipline. Keep working every day, and you will find yourself continually surprised with how much you've grown.

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Mistress

Mistress of the Home, responsible for all matters financial. A loving Domme tempered with ambition and attention to detail.

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