A useful part of dominance is smoothing over kinksters' awkward silences, transmuting them into laughter, glee, relief, obedience, and so on.
We all have the capacity for great awkwardness, but to some this questionable gift comes with natural ease. I oft think of one friend I played with, as she is an exemplar of submissive hesitation.
Left to the care of the wrong hands, she has been mishandled into excruciatingly awkward situations. Yet my dearheart and I both find her very same hesitation to be endearing. I learned how to handle her silences, learned to make it all right for her to freeze up.
She simply gave room for me to guide her, to take control, to dominate.
Silence settles over scenes in many ways. Not always awkward, but all forms of quietude are worth embracing as a Dominant.
One of my favourite silences followed my relentless teasing, where she finally cried "Bitch!" with pent-up frustration.
I let the silence play out, drawing back my hands and attentions. Let her wonder, realise her mistake, and give it just enough time to question what punishment would come next.
The fragile silence froze her up. She worried about saying something even more wrong, worried about digging herself deeper. No doubt she wished to call back her insult, but she couldn't make herself apologise.
I broke the silence with a swift reprimand – then she counted the spankings with rapt attention. The point was made, resolved, and we could move on with nary a thought more on the matter.
Yet when I reminisce about her awkward splendour, what most often comes to mind is the first moves we made together:
I read a book with her sprawled out beside me on the couch, her neck held at an uncomfortable angle. Close to my thighs, but afraid to touch me. After a half hour of patient reading and unvoiced laughter, I offered her my lap.
At first she was bleary and hesitant, and she awkwardly played down her interest. I let her flounder for a bit, then let her lie back down on her own. I gave her some time in silence to mull things over. Enough time for the embarrassment to build in her, so that it could be deflated all in one go.
That's one of the parts of Dominance I believe in: treating people with grace. Validating a submissive's trust in you by untangling complications, by making them feel safe.
With her still laid out beside me, I took charge with an amused observation: "That can't be comfortable. Come here." It was what she wanted (and needed) – for me to make the moves, for she was too shy to ask in words. She gleefully settled into my proffered arms.
Embracing the awkwardness is the only way through it.