What are Female Led Relationships and Gentle FemDom?

Kink Jan 7, 2021

Occasionally when researching for this blog I come across new words for familiar concepts. Female led relationships and gentle femdom are two such examples.

Female Led Relationships

Female led relationships (FLR) are easy to comprehend. They're a gender reversal of heteronormative power dynamics, where within a straight couple the man gives up autonomy in favour of the woman's control.

There's plenty of room in these power dynamics for a spectrum of control. For instance, the woman might only be in charge of setting daily chores, or in charge of everything except one or two things.

This flipping of heteronormative dynamics is not the same as role-reversal. Role-reversal goes beyond power and into the realm of responsibilities and traditional roles. A role-reversal would feature a man performing the traditional homemaker role, with a woman as the breadwinner.

Instead female led relationships can be more egalitarian or non-traditional, featuring dual working partners or shared responsibilities. The only important distinction is that the woman is guiding the relationship.

If you're interested in how I run my female-led relationship, I have an article just for that here:

Finances Within My Female Led Relationship
Ever since my dearheart entrusted control of his finances to me, I have learned much. The largest lesson is that whilst I lead, I cannot control it all.

In my case our FLR is kinky, but that's not a guarantee for all relationships. There may or may not be elements of kink to a FLR in general. It's just a matter of power dynamics.

Which is where Gentle FemDom comes in!

Gentle FemDom

FemDom (Female Domination) – when used as the basis of a relationship – is a type of female-led relationship. As dominance falls under the BDSM umbrella, FemDom relationships tend to be at least a little kinky.

Gentle FemDom (GFD) rejects the stereotype of female-identifying Dominants being callous, vicious, or apathetic. Instead Dommes replace the cruelty with a nurturing demeanour. There may still be sternness, but on the whole it's more loving. The domination is done with and for the partner, instead of it being acts done to them.

You can find all sorts of fluffy, positive activities involved on the gentle side. Especially common is praising subs, sometimes to the point of embarrassing them. Or a gentle Domme may place her hands firmly around her good boy's throat, pinning him to a wall or bed. Another typical activity is the Domme pegging her sub.

Instead of rough rope for bondage, the Domme might instead use super soft and fuzzy things – or silk cords. Dirty talk might be overwhelmingly positive, such as "You're so beautiful, tell me one thing you love about your body" or "Be a good boy and stop struggling, and I'll give you kisses."

From my perspective, GFD is about powerful women who have that blend of aggression and love that allows them to ethically hunt down exactly what they want. It's also equally about celebrating masculine genders, such as portraying men as beautiful and worthy of lust.

Men and other traditionally stoic genders can also be more emotionally receptive and transparent under GFD, which opens up a world of possibility for playing with headspaces. Such as slowly but surely dismantling the doubts in a sub's mind about their own worthiness, or transmuting their hesitant maybes into enthusiastic agreements.

As emotions are considered under gentle FemDom, you can get both the raw and the sensitive bared to you. I think opening up on that deeper level involves a significant amount of healthy trust, and it's gorgeous!

All too often my dearheart has felt compelled to stifle his fears or mask his self-doubts. Instead with gentleness, he can feel that psychological safety necessary to open up to me. Insomuch as all our D/s dynamic involves trust, I treasure those core truths he shares as tokens of just how unfathomably deep that trust runs.

Another aspect of GFD is that because of the emotional nature of it, it lends itself more to attachment than casual play. That is not to say that casual play is right out – you can be loving and gentle without a traditional relationship, after all. However I believe attachment is natural with such a loving approach: you want your sub to do well and be happy!

If you're interested in seeing the small gestures that we make in our gentle relationship, there's a post for that too:

Vignettes of my Gentle FemDom Relationship
It can be hard to come up with gentle femdom ideas on your own, which is why I’m sharing snippets of my own relationship to spark your imagination.

Final thoughts

Kinks and kinksters come in all variety of ways, pardon the pun. I hope you appreciate this shallow dive into a niche subsection of the kinky realm.

I know that learning more about gentle FemDom has given me ideas for my own dynamic, and I can't wait to put some into practise. I want to give my dearheart everything I can, and this is one such place to give more and more.

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Mistress

Mistress of the Home, responsible for all matters financial. A loving Domme tempered with ambition and attention to detail.

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