First I earned my title of Mistress in the eyes of my submissive dearheart. Then I further distinguished my title by guiding him to buying a home. Without my firm hand and gentle explanations, my dearheart would never have achieved home ownership.
Home ownership coincides with my dearheart granting me my full appellation: Mistress of Home and Finance.
You can read more about our first house hunt here:
I think it's worthwhile to reflect on how my title has changed over time, and the stages of growth I gained each portion in.
Earning the Title of Mistress
Nobody is born a dominant. Though I had the predilection for dominance and sadism since my youth, that alone does not make me skilled at being dominant.
Instead it was a journey to become my dearheart's Mistress.
My dearheart told me right from the start that he was submissive towards women and dominant towards men – a switch, in other words.
At that point in my life I had barely begun to explore my identity in terms of kink and power. I had gone through an abusive relationship where I was totally controlled, and learned much in the process about power.
Mostly I found that I hated to feel powerless, and resented being out of control.
Yet I also learned that I loved to serve others with my talents, and especially loved using my leadership to guide others. I enjoyed being a source of external discipline, and I loved enabling people to grow and transform.
My dearheart was a willing test subject for me to practise those skills on.
At first our relationship was only playing at dominance and submission, but as time wore on I asserted myself more consistently – and more comfortably.
Then one year I granted my dearheart a collar when he had to leave for work across the globe. This marked our first step towards commitment as we settled into our dominance-based relationship.
Yet he struggled to give me total control. It was a gradual process to bring him to fully submit:
Finances turned out to be the last hangup he held to granting me total submission. Once he opened those up to me, then I was truly in charge of him.
By then I had grown capable enough to feel comfortable being called Mistress. I knew how to command my dearheart, how to speak my mind, and how I wanted to play with him.
Becoming the Mistress of Home
From the beginning of our relationship, I confided in my dearheart that I intended to one day own a home. It's a seemingly modest and common goal, but within my generation it feels unattainable for most.
We've been pushed out of cities for home ownership, and short of inheritances most of my peers can't even conceive of bootstrapping to the point of owning a house. Not when there's heaps of student loans, low wages, and high rents.
Therefore I felt out of place: privileged and ambitious for already working towards home ownership as a young woman.
Owning a home was about more than having a place of my own to sleep. It was about having a place to host friends, a place to experiment, a place to build things.
I was looking for something like what I had growing up with the ranch. I wanted an estate so that I could build memories with my found family.
In the FIRE world, there's a lot of sound advice towards living frugally and minimising your housing. Yet upon reflection, I've discovered that such a fate isn't for me.
I love the efficient space that is my condo, but I need a properly sized estate in my future.
I need distance from my neighbours, and room for plants and animals and friends. I need to transform a plot of land into my own domain, where I can build projects to my heart's desire.
Projects like installing a solar array (again), or building a home network lab, or building tiny homes on the property. There's a lot of things that I look forward to doing that require space.
Building my own domain is why I'm the Mistress of the Home: the household is an business of its own. It takes skill and diligence to keep things running smoothly, especially as you add in more dependants and people.
I intentionally borrow ideas from the business world when styling my dominance:
In short, I'm the Mistress of the Home because I'm the executive of our household operation. It was either that, or styling myself a Baroness!
Becoming the Mistress of Finance
Being my dearheart's Mistress is focused on our dynamic. Being the Mistress of Home has my attention turned inward on the estate, and all the relationships involved therein.
Being the Mistress of Finance is different, for instead I am looking outward and onward to the future. I am acting in the present to amass money and skills and influence for our future goals.
Managing the finances is not just about keeping the household budget running. It's also about treating our lives as a business, and employing actual finances to our operations.
That's because money is the closest thing to power in our contemporary society. Regardless of whether this is a good thing, it's a reality of life. It's therefore important to learn how to control money so that you can bring intention to your life.
This is why I write about personal finance. There are countless tools to learn to use. Combine those tools with assets and opportunity, and you'll be able to create changes for the better in the world around you.
Early on in my adulthood, I found myself unable to apply those tools directly to my situation – I was a broke college student with no money to speak of. Instead, I helped others like my dearheart with simple calculations. Things like "time to break-even" on investment purchases.
That was my start on the path of finances, where my neurodivergent brain got a dose of pleasure from manipulating money. I soon realised that an engineer with the ability to move money effectively would be a force to be reckoned with.
Then I guided my dearheart through purchasing our first home, which was eye-opening for him. He had not truly understood how much I had saved through careful years of frugality.
With a swift real estate transaction I transformed that pile of cash into a useful asset: a home. A place for us to spread out to fill, which we could call our own.
I did not stop there: I entered the stock market. As I explained our net worth growth with stocks my dearheart began to see the difference financial independence could bring us.
Financial independence would give us the ability to do what we wished, to be free of daily working obligations so that we could instead focus on longer-term goals.
Everything we made thus went towards investing or living expenses. To accomplish that, I gave my dearheart tools and bumper rails to our finances. My arrangement allowed him to act freely within the confines of good sense.
Which is why I'm the Mistress of Finance too: I set up the framework for our financial success.
If you are new to my domain then I hope this article provides you with a decent perspective on some facets of my identity: the trinity of dominance, finances, and homeliness.
By those combined facets I am the Mistress of Home and Finance, a Domme who manages both a growing household and the finances necessary to accomplish great goals. Not merely the household budget, but the finances of business.
If you are curious about further facets of my identity, then I shall call to your attention my "About Me" page located here: